Launch post by Merptown:
My Personal Revolution, January 6, 2010For as long as I can remember, probably as far back as the third or fourth grade, I have been overweight; significantly over the appropriate size for my age. And so it’s been that way all of my life, thus far. I’m 24 years old, turning 25 this coming April. After many years of dead-end diets, gaining and losing the willpower to turn things around, over and over, and the sickening realization that in 5 short years I will have wasted the best years of my life being in the worst condition one could be in – morbidly obese and miserable, I knew it was now or never – I have to change.
It’s the hardest thing I believe a person can achieve, in a way. Haven’t you heard, “people don’t change?” It’s applicable here. It’s a way of thinking, a void, a horrid habit and lifestyle, an urge or addiction, which it feels impossible to overcome. But, I think it must be possible. We must be able to change, right? I imagine it being somewhat like quicksand – it’s not impossible to get out, and often it’s not the sand, but the panic and struggle to survive that ensues from the feeling of utter helplessness that kills you. If you’re calm and focused – and know that it’s going to take a severe and taxing effort, then just maybe you’ll make it out. And if you’re lucky to have someone there next to you on solid ground, holding something sturdy, then your chance is that much greater. This blog, I hope, might just be my solid ground. My friend of accountability and reliance. We’ll see if I can make it out in the end.
It’s embarrassing to disclose all that I’m about to but, I figure what’s more embarrassing than continuing to go on living like this day after day? Can I honestly kid myself any longer that if I pretend the problem doesn’t exist, no one else will notice? Just because I close my eyes and feel like a thin person on the inside doesn’t mean squat when it comes to climbing those mountainous stairwells, which leave me breathless. If only it were the stairs that were “temporarily out of service,” forcing me to take those not-so-pesky elevators.
I don’t want to hate these things anymore. I want to fly up the stairs with no problem at all. I’m young, I should be able to run and jump, and play sports lasting in a game more than a measly 20 minutes, tops. I want to run and feel great doing so. I want to play tennis if I want, and go to the gym without feeling like people are looking at me wondering, “What’s she doing here?” I would like to board an airplane without having to use a seatbelt extension I stole off a flight one time after being mortified to ask for one. And man, I hope I don’t have to sit next to some uppity thin chick with a stick up her rear because she has to sit next to a giant fool like me!
So, both my mom and I will be supporting each other through this lifestyle change we know is necessary, to save ourselves. We are both joining Jenny Craig, haven’t tried that before, and are committing ourselves entirely to this – and for heaven’s sake – this is the last diet. No more. I refuse to quit, hence the blog. I am holding us accountable this time because failure is NOT an option. Really, it’s never been about which diet. No diet has failed us, and neither will this one. It’s just you. It’s always you. You’re as successfull as you want to be. However, self-loathing, resulting in constant self-destruction and sabotage are powerful elemental roles in your life and I’m doing my best to work on that. Hopefully being consciously aware and attentive to this crucial factor will be the variable change.
HERE is the CHALLENGE:
I need to lose 200 lbs.. whoa.. I know. That’s like – more than a whole other person.. That’s like, one extra overweight person! I am committing myself to doing this the right way. I should get very close to this goal within 24 months. Both my mother and I will be blogging and weighing in once a week to track our progress. We will post each our own experience separately, and from our own perspective. Brutal honesty, and it will be brutal!
If any of you have ever experienced any kind of addiction – anyone who knows what it feels like to substitute food or anything to fill a need that doesn’t suit. Anyone who has felt helpless or without the will to even try – then you know this will be a great struggle. By all means feel free to write in! We can support each other. And in hopes that we conquer this plague of obesity taking over our life – maybe it will encourage others to start their own personal revolution! And know that no matter what stage of life you’re in and no matter how long you’ve gone on like this, it’s never too late. I have to believe this.
We just want to be happy, and of course healthy. We need to set a good example for the young ones coming into the world. Like my newborn twin niece and nephew. I want to be strong and healthy and energetic for them. And also – I want to be able to look in the mirror and smile, not because it’s good enough, but because it’s my personal best.
Jenny Craig starts for me this Thursday (because that’s when my JC food and menu arrive), and so then it will begin! Until then, I am shamelessly saying goodbye to the foods I will miss.
Until next time,
-Merptown
